A Void

I’ve been looking into and exploring ZEN for a while now.

Mostly I started because I like the word so much.
So ZEN.
I liked it’s associations too.
Things like Zen gardens, and Haiku poetry. Japanese art and that minimalist thing some people do in their homes.

So I began sitting.
I went to some meetings and read a few books. I made a little study, like I often do.
Not a big study.

The thing I liked most was the thought of just sitting.
Just sitting.
No thinking. No praying. No asking. No thanking. No sorting things out.

The big challenge of cause is that it really isn’t as simple or as easy as it sounds.
We have monkeys in our minds, and they are full of tricks.

But with time and much practice I started to get the hang of it.
Sometimes. Sort of.
Going into a void. And staying there.

A week or two ago my Dad took ill. Very ill. Ill enough for me to board a late night bus, and travel alone through dark and stormy streets to get to him.
I’m not sure if I like overnight buses or dislike them.

ZEN helped with that.
The thing about ZEN is that no decision has to be made.
Everything just is. Not good. Not bad.
Just being in the moment on the bus.

I shared the long back seat with a lady, who shed her shoes and placed her weathered bare feet very nearly on my lap.
It was okay.
With my cheek against the cold glass window, I fell in and out of sleep beneath my woollen shawl.
Just breathing.

Then I was there. I had arrived. And it all began.
The hospital visits to a frail eighty year old man.
The surgery. The recovery. The longing to return home.

There was more than that of cause.
I cannot fail to mention the fellowship of friends, and more even than that.
The dazzling love. The kindness. The abundant support extended to me.
Without price.

But I hardly remember making a decision. None could be made.
Mostly I was trying to avoid things:
Fear. Anger. Worry. Anxiety. Depression. Pity. Sadness. Frustration. Panic. Chaos. Despair. Doubt. Problems. Lack. Selfishness. Hatred. Rage. Exhaustion. Death

All these appear in abundance in families at times like this.

But not in a void.
In a void is nothing but Space. And Light.
And More.
But that came later.

I came home about a week later.
I had not been able to avoid everything of cause.

But in a void I had found:
Peace. Love. Kindness. Healing. Miracles. Success. Care. Solutions. Happiness. Abundance. Joy. Sharing. Certainty. Care. Energy. Hope. Life.

Not that empty after all.
So very ZEN.

 

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One comment on “A Void
  1. Teresa says:

    So good Michelle…amaZE-iNg that the opposites of that which you found in the void are silenced…how? no voice no sound

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